There are at least three issues that members of the Mets organization have to address on a daily basis with the media. By saying organization, I am speaking of owners, players, on down to interns. These issues have staying power, which means the organization will potentially face them all season.
For fear of vomiting all over my keyboard or insulting your intelligence, I will not list these issues.
Could you imagine having to deal with the same issues over and over and over again in your daily work life? No? Just for shits and giggles, let’s try to imagine what it would be like.
You are the manager of a local McDonalds. You wake up ready to start the day with your typical cup of McCafe and hot apple pie, turn on the news and are faced with a piece on how fattening McDonald’s food is.
You change the channel to NBC just in time to catch Matt Lauer calling your owner glib after answering a question about how McDonald’s unfairly markets to kids causing them to be obese.
“Screw this” you think. You turn off the tv and open up your McLaptop to check your email. Among the various messages from family and friends you see four separate requests from various different news agencies and blogs to comment on how fattening your food is. So much for email.
You climb into your McHyundai and put the key in the ignition. Warning…there will be plenty of random McWhatevers in this post, so I apologize in advance. For some unexplained reason I think it is hilarious and can’t stop. Off to the Golden Arches you go.
As you enter the parking lot you see three different news vans accompanied by reporters and cameramen. Guess what? They are there to ask you what your thoughts are on how fattening your food is. There is one soul with a refreshingly new question. He asks you how you felt when you served your one billionth customer.
Per your McPublicist, you provide answers that highlight all of the healthy options on your menu and speak about moderation quite frequently. You have spouted the same drivel in at least 223 previous interviews up to this point.
Once you are done with this morning’s round of interviews you are greeted at the door by your assistant manager. It appears as if the McFrier is malfunctioning and there is a potential for disaster if it cannot be fixed. After all, what is a meal at McDonald’s without fries?
As you are troubleshooting the McFrier, your assistant manager asks you how the reporters were this morning and whether or not you saw the Matt Lauer interview. You both laugh about the hair piece on the reporter from Channel Eight who is currently sifting through your dumpster.
The day goes on. Luckily the french fry disaster is averted when you realize the drive through attendant accidentally unplugged the McFrier.
You move to inspect the lobby. As you gauge the condiment counter you are approached by a sweet 77 year old woman named Erma. She asks you, “Is it true? Is the food in here as unhealthy as they say it is?” You tell Erma that the quote she read was taken out of context, and that in moderation, McDonald’s food does not equate to instant death.
Throughout the day, you are asked about the unhealthy food issue at least 24 separate occasions. At the end of the day you tell your assistant manager that you are going to suffocate the next person that asks you about unhealthy food with your paper hat.
Of course, you both know that won’t happen. The last time you dealt with a reporter in an unfavorable way, you were fined $25 by the fast food restaurant commissioner and lost your manager’s only parking space across from the drive through menu.
Fortunately, no one asks you about the food in the last five minutes of your shift as you restock the McSundae machine for the night (the night manager can barely count to ten, let alone pour the appropriate amount of chocolate syrup in the McSundae machine). You hang up your McApron and make your way to the parking lot.
On your drive home, food talk radio is doing a special feature on “Just How Bad McDonald’s Food Really Is”. The panel of guests will include the former CEO of Burger King, a former grill man from the McDonald’s over on 5th street, and Mark Cuban (who has been rumored to be buying the McDonald’s).
You just want to crawl in bed and focus on next week’s employee schedule but you realize your are scheduled to do two interviews that night, one for The O’Reilly Factor and a quick two minute sound byte for Sixty Minutes.
A manger’s job is never done…
Midwestropolitan 